What’s up everybody! We’re going to do something a little different today. Usually when I write it’s to review or plug a movie or to threaten you all with undead super soldiers and don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. Seriously, I’m not just saying that so JimJam and Jonny don’t shock me with the cattle prod again, I really do love bringing you guys the content that I do but at the heart of it all I am a storyteller. So, it is with that in mind that I sit down today to write this. I’m going to tell you guys a little story.
I am not a native of the great state of Tennessee; it is only through a massive amount of luck and the love of a good woman that I am here in this mountain paradise. Before that I lived in the barren wasteland known as Eastern Oklahoma. My old stomping grounds are only a stone’s throw from the Kiamichi Mountains in Southeastern Oklahoma which are known for their Bigfoot sightings; Google will show you a ton of results about the activity in those parts. You will see results ranging from sites focused on cryptids and the paranormal to local news stations reporting on Bigfoot sightings. I spent weeks every year hunting in the Kiamichi Mountains from the time I was old enough to hold a gun until I moved away from home and not once did I ever see a Squatch; well, not up there at least.
I did, however, see Bigfoot just outside my hometown of Panama, Oklahoma. Before I continue I would like to clear some things up – it was the middle of the afternoon, I was not alone, and no one in the truck was on drugs yet. Without any further preamble here is the story of my Bigfoot sighting.
I was a wild ass teenager and had skipped school to hang out with a couple of friends; their names were Brad and Dustin. We sat around the house, ate junk food, played guitar, talked about random stupid shit that teenage boys talk about and then we got bored. It just so happened that Dustin had a truck and Brad and I had money. We hopped in the truck, drove over to the local weed spot, and copped a quarter ounce of some good old Mexican brick weed then went to get gas and drinks. Instead of going back to the house and being lame we decided to roll a hog leg and cruise some back roads.
We found a good CD to put in and started cruising, I was tasked with breaking the bud down and rolling while Dustin drove and Brad watched for authority figures. We were a team. A well oiled machine. As I was tossing the seeds and stems out the passenger window and getting ready to fire up I was told to hold off because we were coming up on the AES power plant. Brad and I were discussing whether we should head out to the country or go over to the nearby cemetery to smoke when Dustin interrupted us. It wasn’t so much his words but the fear in his voice that got our attention, “Holy fucking shit you guys. Shut up. Look. What the fuck is that?” he said in a panicked half whisper while pointing to something about thirty yards away from the truck.
My jaw dropped. It couldn’t have been anything other than a Bigfoot. It was probably eight and half or nine feet tall, covered in dark brown fur, and walked upright on two legs. It was big enough that it could step over a three strand barbed wire fence with as little effort as Kevin Nash: one hand to push the top strand down slightly while swinging one leg and then the other over it. We sat in paralyzed silence and watched a fucking mythical creature step into a pasture like it was entering the ring at WrestlMania. None of us knew what to say or do. We just watched as the creature walked, unbothered by our presence, into the tree line and seemed to vanish as he blended into the woods. There was an unspoken agreement between us and we drove in silence back to Brad’s house to smoke and that was the last we saw of Bigfoot.
I haven’t shared this story often because no one ever believes it but it’s one hundred percent true. I was fortunate enough to have an experience by accident that some people spend a life hunting for and those few moments helped to shape how I look at the world and what I deemed possible.
So when I found out that the Tennessee Bigfoot Conference is a thing I got fucking excited. It’s a full on paranormal con featuring enthusiasts of all manner of cryptids. It’ll be headlined by the She-Squatchers, the Midwest’s first all-female Bigfoot hunting team. The festivities will be taking place October 19th-21st in Kingsport, Tennessee. You can find out more about it here. Don’t think that this will be the last you hear about it, either. We’ve got some cool ass interviews in the works and I’ll be promoting the hell out of it over the next few months.
Oh yeah, by the way I’ll be out there repping the team and probably selling some prints and stuff. More details will come later but it’s a sure thing. You can come out to Bigfoot Day and hang with a real live Yeti.